My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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