I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
