She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
