you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
