remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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