You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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