i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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