i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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