Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
