I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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