if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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