okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
