someone threw a dead crab at me
North Korea, Best Korea!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
