got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
