He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
