Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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