I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
