I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
