Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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