Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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