alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
