Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
