"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
