apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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