I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
