i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
