Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
