I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
