kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
