woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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