I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize