Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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