I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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