I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
