Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
