Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
