I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
