carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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