white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
