Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
