do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
