eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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