I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize