there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
