who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize