And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
