Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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