It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
