Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
