therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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