I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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