you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize