I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
