i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
