just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
