i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
