porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
