I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i came on her dog
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
