I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize