glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
