I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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