Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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