Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Randomize
