Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
