I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
