4 words: hood of his car
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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