He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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