I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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