It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize