So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
