She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
