i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
