I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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