It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize