accomplished twins. life is a go
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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