Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
