I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
