I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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