He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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