That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
