slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
