hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize