People in love make me want to vomit
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
