i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
