is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
