are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
