I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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