i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
