trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
