Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize