This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
