your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
