I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
